I knew the second I saw you, that you were going to influence my life in all the ways I was terrified of someone doing. I knew the second my eyes saw you it would be one that I would (hopefully) never get tired of seeing.
I didn't want another boy in my life. I didn't need anything except to focus on my studies and myself. I was on a journey of being wild, difficult and impossible to forget. I was having a blast by myself, dashing through the lives of people around me. I was working on unleashing everything hidden inside me, and I didn't need somebody compromising that. In the time before I met you, I belonged to myself for the first time. I prided myself in being independent and free of responsibility, but I found myself staring everytime I saw you.
I realized I was missing someone I didn't even know.
I spent that last several months going on dates and meeting wonderful people. I've met the sweetest, funniest, and kindest people... people who were captivated by my words and my dreams. I was convinced something was wrong with me, because I tried so, so hard to return feelings and I never could. Why did I want a stranger to become permanent in my life? Is it because your soulmate will be the stranger you suddenly recognize? Am I crazy? Did my soul simply comply with yours when we met?I didn't know you, but I wanted to know every single thing about you. I was living my life clutching the railing of the cliff I was placed on. You were a beautiful uncertainty, an enticing enigma, and you were the first thing I was the most certain about in a long time. The pull I have towards you has me endlessly leaping off cliffs. You had my heart before I could say no, but I don't think "No" would have never come out of my mouth.
I have lived life never expecting much, and I have contently lived my life that way. Yet you took my hand and opened a door to an entire galaxy when my soul only required a single planet. Simplicity is all I have ever needed, and you continually gave me everything in and outside this world. Simply.
You are a star that turned into a galaxy, and it will take a lifetime of chaotic traveling that will forever leave me in a state of sereness. In the short amount of time that I have embarked on this resplendent journey, it seems like you have made me a better person without changing me at all. I had someone ask me what my biggest weaknesses were, and all I could do was answer truthfully: I'm a little insecure, and I will never ask for help, even if my hands are full and I need to tie my shoe. My third weakness, and probably my biggest? You.
My words didn't flow out of my mouth like music anymore, and it seemed like my thoughts were wrapping themselves around each other, like little girls pushing eachother towards the cute boy without being the leader. You were and forever will be my biggest weakness. I stare at you endlessly because I crave your words and thoughts more than my own. I stare at you so I can fill more pages with the intoxicating sublime of your soul. I suffocated for the longest time on the fragments of myself, the battles I endured, and the things I had lost throughout my life. It seems like I learned to finally breathe when you walked in. You opened doors, windows and the future. I have an infinite amount of space, yet your soul next to mine makes it hard to even gasp.
You are my unexpected person, at an unexpected time.
You didn't ease your way into my world, you flooded my existence. I smile without your face in front of me, and I hear your rythem without your words flowing around me. I became lost in you, in the weakness and unexpectedness. It seems while being lost inside you, I was being found.
When I sit next to you, having some small part of me touching you always, will you ever fully understand how in this small amount of time so much of me resides in you? How if I seemingly lost you, I would be losing some part of myself?
My intimacy with you isn't physical, but the kind where we lay together at two a.m. brushing feet, as we whisper our biggest dreams, fears,and desires. The kind were our hands trace lines as we share memories, and laugh creating new ones. I ache for you in the most guiltless ways. I ache in the moments I want you to know how much I adore you, and crave nothing but to be places next to you. The aching tumbles through my mind, shuffling every thought I have of you continuously through my mind as I crave to whisper my thoughts, mixing them with yours.
I realize the difference between falling in love, and having a soulmate.
You choose who you love, but you have no choice in your soulmate, the one who will undefiantly be your best friend and hold you close. It wasn't love at first sight when you walked through the door. It was a sense of a far away comprehension... an understanding that it's going to be you and only you.
When I see you time after time, it's because there is no choice.
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